loVe

When I was young, I wanted a fairytale romance

Who doesn't?

Who doesn't want to be swept off their feet?  Who doesn't want to spend their days in blissful abandon, full of passionate stolen kisses and hands clutched together at every possible moment?

Who doesn't want someone to know and love every inch of them, to look at them in wonder and admire them for everything they are?

I got married

And for a while, it was a fairytale romance

We kissed

We made love

But as time passed, the passion shrank a little at a time.  The sparks stopped flying quite so much.

And maybe you are thinking

"How sad, I would never want that"

But let me tell you

I had never stopped to consider the beauty

Of a comfortable romance

The kind of love you come home from work to, and it is waiting with open arms and a kiss on the forehead

The kind of love that wraps its arms around you when you wake up in the dead of night from some ridiculous half-remembered nightmare

The kind of love that makes sure you have your favorite ice cream always stocked in the freezer, in case of bad days

The kind of love that knows exactly what kind of soda pop is your favorite, what kind of candy, what kind of chips

The kind of love that doesn't wait for you to ask for pizza for dinner.

I never thought to consider

The love

That I am now lucky enough to have.

Slaínte

My friend

You got married today!! As I watched you with your bride I marveled at the joy I saw radiating from you and wondered if I have ever seen you this happy.

It is strange the way some people come into our lives and leave more quickly than we might prefer, and the way that they seem to leave something behind that continues to impact us. I don't believe in ghosts, but your ghost has haunted me for some time. Every now and then I would catch myself wondering where you were, what you were doing. I wondered whether you were eating enough (I think we both know you weren't because you never do). I wondered how many new swords you had added to your collection since last I saw it (probably several; I haven't seen it in quite some time). Most of all I wondered if you were happy, if your life was going the way you'd always hoped it would.

When it was my turn to congratulate you and the stunning lady at your side, I was genuinely happy for you. I was relieved that you had found someone to complete you and care for you and share in the crazy adventure that you turn your life into, someone to turn the soundtrack to "Pirates of the Carribbean" all the way up with you and whoop and holler as you drive like a spy on the run from captors. Someone to make sure you are eating.

And it was the strangest thing. As you reached out to hug me to your side, I felt my ghost--the ghost of an eighteen-year-old girl, who wanted nothing more than to join you in all your harebrained late-night adventure schemes--slip away gently with a soft sigh and the scent of Black Ice car freshener. When I left you there, gazing in wonder at your new wife, I left that ghost there too. There is no need for her anymore; you've someone to truly take care of you now, in ways I never could, and I am ever so happy. For you, and for me, because in a similar way, I found someone to love me in ways I never even thought possible.

I bear you no ill will, my friend. You were the glue that kept all my pieces together as I went out exploring all the possibilities of who I could become. You taught me to treat life as a grand adventure and to always have a great soundtrack and a full tank of gas. You taught me that growing up is inevitable, but growing old is optional. You taught me that we are all a little broken, and we need each other to make it through this life.

I am leaving home to start the next chapter of my own grand adventure, which means  this is probably the last time I'll see you for a while, maybe even forever. And maybe that's okay. Be well, my friend. May you find every happiness.

Affectionately,

The girl who once loved you